ONCE AGAIN, WITH CON-VICK-TION

 I was watching the Eagles/Redskins game last night on Monday Night Football.  Yes, I like football and I’m gay.  Let me correct that.  I love football.  I look forward to the beginning of the football season like I used to look forward to the first day of school when I was little.  Oh, come on, you know you laid out all your clothes the day before school started to pick the perfect “First Day of School” outfit.  Okay, maybe that’s a little more stereotypically gay of me than my affinity for football. It’s an archaic stereotype that gays don’t like sports.  I have many gay friends that like sports.  It is possible to get excited about a well-run screen and get equally excited about the opening of Burlesque on November 24.  I can’t wait!  Now if Christina Aguilera and Cher run a perfect screen play in the movie I will die from happiness.

My NFL team is the Dallas Cowboys.  I have been following the Cowboys since I was 12.  My initial allegiance was flimsy I’ll admit.  It was because the Cowboys were playing in the first Superbowl I watched.  It was when we were on our last tour of Germany.  The Cowboys were playing the Denver Broncos and all I knew at the time was they were from Texas and I was born in Texas.  That was enough of a reason then.  Not to mention the game was phenomenal and the Cowboys won.  I stayed up watching it until the wee hours of the morning because it didn’t start until 12am or something because of the time difference.  I wasn’t supposed to stay up and watch it but my parents went to a friend’s house to watch it and I was home by myself so I disobeyed my parents.  Maybe that’s another reason I like the Dallas Cowboys.

Any way let’s get back to the Eagles/Redskins game.  So, in case you didn’t see it, the Eagles annihilated the Redskins.  They were up 28-0 in the first quarter.  It was kind of a yawner.  Michael Vick was amazing in the game.  He’s truly a gifted athlete.  The announcers were gushing about him, ad nauseum, during the entire game.  It got to be a bit much.  At one point, Jon Gruden said something to the effect that Michael Vick is amazing because he overcame so much to get to this point.  He was referring to Vick’s stint in jail for killing and abusing pit bulls on the grounds of his mansion. 

Now, I love a comeback just like the next person, but saying that Michael Vick has overcome so much since his incarceration to get his career back is RIDICULOUS!  You can say that he overcame a lot to become a professional athlete.  My understanding is that his childhood was not an easy one.  I think it’s great that he overcame poverty and such to get a scholarship to college and then made it to the pros, but that’s where I get off the “Michael Vick overcame so much” train. 

He got arrested while he was a quarterback for a professional team, the Atlanta Falcons.  He was incredibly wealthy.  He spit on the very opportunity that he worked so hard to get.  When he got busted, he could afford the best lawyers.  As a result, he got off with not a lot of time in jail.  If a normal person had gotten arrested for the same thing he probably would have ended up with a lot more time.  A normal person wouldn’t have had all the fancy lawyers that money can buy.  That same person would not have had every NFL team vying for his services when he got out of jail.  Normal guy wouldn’t have been guaranteed hundreds of thousands, and now millions, of dollars when he got out of jail. 

He did not have to overcome that much.  He just had to not get in any more trouble and contain his “I can get away with anything” professional athlete attitude.  If a celebrity had done the same thing, people would never stop criticizing them.  I think athletes get away with a shitload more than celebrities.  Even the football players at my high school thought they should be able to do whatever they wanted, and they sucked.  Our football team always sucked.  There were more fans of our school band than of our football team, but they still felt entitled. 

Michael Vick is an amazing athlete and had one of the most incredible quarterback performances I have ever seen this past Monday night.  However, he is not to be admired for all he overcame because he didn’t overcome anything, except the primrose path that was laid out for him because of his potential value to an NFL team.  He didn’t save a bunch of people in a burning building.  He didn’t survive cancer.  He didn’t get wounded fighting for his country.  He went to jail and he deserved to go to jail.  He came out and all he had to do was play football well, which shouldn’t be too hard since he’s been playing it since he was a child.  He’s been getting paid for it in one way or another since high school.  I wish all people who made mistakes would get the same opportunities when they get out of jail.  They will not.

So congratulations to Michael Vick for an amazing feat.  I’m glad you are doing well, but remember where hubris led you before.  You are not a hero for doing this after getting out of jail.  You are just a person who got a second chance and was smart enough to not fuck it up, so far.  By the way, I’m not a member of PETA.  Those guys annoy me too.  And I’m not writing this because you play for a team I despise.  I despise the Redskins more and you don’t see me writing about Donovan McNabb.  I’m writing this to remind everybody that Burlesque opens November 24.  Go Cowboys!